A Typical Conversation with a Malaysian

Malaysian (usually a guy, middle-aged with not much to do): Hi
Hedd: Hey
M: Where are you from?
H: I'm from Wales... (momentary pause to look for a reaction indicating he knows where it is) ...in the U.K. Do you know Wales?
M: Ahhh, Wales. Ryan Giggs, eh!
H: Yeah, Ryan Giggs.
M: They beat Azerbaijan. Got (insert next country to play Wales in the football world cup qualifiers) coming up (insert exact time and date), isn't it.
H: Yeah that's right
I used to at this point ask if he liked football but I realised the answer would obviously be yes, and of course it always was. So I changed it to:
H: Have you ever been to Wales or the UK?
M: No, I want to go though, maybe to London. There's this tour company that does trips to the UK and includes a premier league match with (insert which ever team he supports, either Man U, L'pool, Arsenal or Chelsea) so I might do that one day.
H: Do you travel often?
M: Not really, I've been to Indonesia once and China once but that's about it. So where are you going now?
Note that they never ask what I'm going to do where I actually am but rather they assume I want to get out of wherever I am as soon as I can and go somewhere else.
H: I'm here for a few days now, and then I'm off to (insert next destination). I'm in Malaysia for two and a half months all together actually.
M: Two and a half months! Long time lah. Alone?
H: Yeah. Well, I was staying with friends in China and Japan, I was in China for five weeks and Japan for two weeks, and I was staying with friends in KL but now I'm on my own.
M: Japan, eh? Expensive, no?
H: Well yeah, quite expensive, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Not as bad as the UK anyway.
M: UK expensive, is it?
H: Yeah, very expensive.
M: I see. Do you like Malaysian food?
H: Of course!
M: Not too spicy for you?
H: Nope, the spicier the better.
M: And what have you tried?
H: (Trying to remember the names of them all) Nasi Lemak, Ro...
M: You like Nasi Lemak?
H: ...Yep, umm, Roti Canai, bu...
M: You like Roti Canai?
H: Yep. My favourite thing here though is Ais Kacang, it...
M: Oh, you like Ais Kacang, do you? And what about durians, have you tried those?
H: Yeah, and I actually like them too!
M: Oh, you like Durians? You don't mind the smell?
H: No, it's not too bad. But I can't eat much of it becuase it's just so creamy.
M: Yes, very creamy. Best time to visit Malaysia for food, Ramadan. Best time.
H: Yeah, I like all the night markets and everything.
M: So it's not too hot for you?
H: No, it's OK. I like it hot, I just don't like the humidity. Hot and dry I like. It's not as bad here as it was in Shanghai when I got there though, there was a heat wave. Now that was really, really hot.
M: We only have two seasons here, see. Not like UK where you have four.
H: Hmm, although it doesn't feel like we have four these days, it's all just one long rainy season now. I mean, I remember when in the winter you'd always have snow and in the summer you'd always have sun but now you can have anything anytime mixed in with plenty of rain.
M: My friend, he's in (insert British university) says he laughs at the British when they come out to sunbathe even with just a little bit of sun.
H: Aye, they do, it can be freezing outside but they'll all be out in their bikinis with just a little bit of sun trying to get a tan.
M: I don't get it see, why do they want to get a tan? The girls in Malaysia try so hard not to get a tan.
H: I know, you see them walking i nthe street under the sun with these big umbrellas! I don't know, to look different I suppose, it's just fashionable. We try to get a tan to stand out and you tey not to get a tan to stand out. Same thing, really.
M: So two and a half months in Malaysia, you say. And then home?
H: No, then Indonesia for one and a half months and then home, just in time for Christmas.
M: Why such a long holiday?
H: It's a gap year. I finished college a few months ago and now I'm taking a year out and then I'll go to university next September.
M: Oh, next September. So you're in college now?
H: No, I finished college, now I'm taking a year out of education.
M: Why?
H: To travel and to have a break after thirteen years of education.
M: So you're in university now?
H: No, no, I'm not doing anything right now.
M: I don't get it.
H: So I see! It doesn't matter though.
M: So how old are you then?
H: Guess.
M: Umm, twenty-two.
H: No.
M: Twenty-three.
H: No, I'm eighteen.
M: Eighteen! Woah, so young! Hey, you'll have to be careful in Indonesia then.
H: Yeah, I've heard it's not as safe there as in Malaysia.
M: But you're a big man, you'll be fine! Are you going to Bali?
H: Yep, I'll have about two weeks there.
M: Oh, I love Bali!
H: Everyone here seems to love Bali.
M: Yeah, it's a good place. OK, I need to go. Good luck when Wales plays (insert team). I'll be watching it. Bye-bye!
H: See ya!